The Burqa

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I
don't know how many women are regular visitors at LRC, but since
I am one of them, I imagine there must be quite a few others who
are just as smart. On this assumption — and inspired, I must say,
by Susan
Hogarth's recent piece on the Veil Monster
— I think I should
fess up and tell you that I've been thinking for some time about
the Burqa as an ideal solution to the irksome problems women have
when it comes to u2018looking good' every day. Of course, men also have
to fuss with u2018looking good' every day; but for them, the process
is nowhere near as tricky and time-consuming (not to mention pricey)
as it is for women. So, I'm tempted to try getting a fashion trend
going — or maybe even a rage — for American-style, mercifully time-saving
Burqas. It could catch on here first, where women tend to be overwhelmed
with having to run a household as well as bring in the family's
second income (or even the only income). And eventually — who knows
— the merciful Burqa could spread into the culture of the entire
Western world.

Just
think: no more fretting over a bad-hair day; no more fuss over "what-should-I-wear";
no more worry about what-matches-what; no more blowing the better
part of an hour on perfect eyebrows, sexier eyeshadow, discreet
eye-liner, enhanced eyelashes, effective application of blemish
concealer, efficient deletion of shiny spots, and just the right
touch of blush in just the right places. Plus — just think: no more
pain from those clip-on earrings!

OK,
I admit I hate getting dressed up (well, at least when it's not
for that One Special Man) — and the older I get (which is happening
much too fast), the more onerous u2018looking good' becomes; and so,
naturally, the more I hate it. Time is precious!

Therefore,
I, for one, would welcome the Burqa as a fashion trend, and with
open arms.

Perhaps
a good place to start would be with the public high-school crowd.
These kids are always looking for new and outrageous ways to dress,
anyway. If a few girls started showing up at school in head-to-toe
Burqas, it would probably drive the boys wild.

A
girl to whom the guys had rarely given a second look before would
get their full attention. What a boon to the quiet wallflower with
thick glasses. And, actually, it could be likewise for the drop-dead
gorgeous potential Prom queen. No longer distracted by a girl's
physical attributes, or lack thereof, everyone would finally discover
how witty she is, or how kind or how wise. Her whole life might
change.

If
I have piqued anyone's interest in joining my push for a Burqa fashion
trend, I'm happy to tell you that you can find Burqa outlets right
here in the US (including at eBay); and you can even order a Burqa
directly from far-away places such as Pakistan. Just go to Google
and type-in "Burqas." You'll find some great photos of
several Middle-Eastern varieties, and if you are good with a sewing
machine, you can also get plenty of ideas for making a Burqa of
your own. You could even create a style that suits your personal
sense of fashion.

And
if the idea never makes it as far as WalMart or the Spiegel catalog,
well, there's always Halloween.

May
10, 2004

Joanna
Parker (send her mail)
is
an escape from teaching in government schools and [left-]leaning
Ivory Towers, successively.

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