Universal Hot Rod Lincoln

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told by George W)

You’ve heard the story of the empire race,
Dollar and the Euro settin’ the pace
Story’s true, I’m here to rave
‘Cause I was drivin’ that Model Abe

a Claremont body, straight from the shop
Lincoln verbiage that was over the top
Had five little words, used them all
With "Neo-Con"®, it just won’t stall

gears and a Perle exhaust
Wolfowitz carb, you could really get lost
Roadmap, too, – I ain’t scared
The Rumsfeld’s good, the Powell’s fair

pulled out of CENTCOM, late one night
The crescent moon was shinin’ bright
I was climbin’ up that Hindu Kush
Guy in the mirror looked like a Bush

you, JEB??" – honk, honk)

of sudden in the a wink of an eye,
A Cadillac sedan passed me by
Ariel shouted, "Got a job for thee"
Then a telltale map was all you could see

Cheney was goadin’ me from behind
I said, "Hey, I’ll get into Lincoln’s mind"
Consulted Jaffa and the Claremont wheels
Then shoved it down into overzeal

I wound it up to a feverish pitch
Passed Henry K, that son of a bitch
Brent Scowcroft scowled as I started to soar
But they’re history, those tired old bores

figured I’d lost my sense
But the things we do, why, they’re self-defense
He said, "Slow down, don’t be so rude"
By the time he spoke, Iraq was screwed

I cut a few corners, sideswiped the law
Crossed my fingers just for Ma
We got there firstest – and with the most,
Only one complainin’ was Bob Taft’s ghost

was comin’ from out of Iraq
When I started to gain on that guy, Chirac
I knew I could catch him, thought I could pass
He’ll be comin’ to us for oil and gas

was shootin’ from out of the towns
You could feel the angst of the Neo-Clowns
I said, "Pull over, boys, I got a license to fly,
Alan’s inflated the money supply"

all of sudden, we heard from Putin
And we’re down in the ditch, surprised by lootin’
I looked in the mirror, there was a red light blinkin’
Kofi was after me for playin’ Lincoln

arrested me and threw me in jail
And called my Poppy to go my bail
He said, "Son – You’re gonna drive me to drinkin’
If you don’t quit tryin’ to be Hot Rod Lincoln."

19, 2003

the record
and see this

Joseph R. Stromberg [send him
] is holder of the JoAnn B. Rothbard Chair in History at
the Ludwig von Mises Institute
and a columnist for LewRockwell.com
and Antiwar.com.

Stromberg Archives


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