False Pearls, Real Swine

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News Item: Richard Perle’s Resignation

Richard Perle has stepped down as chairman of the Pentagon’s Defense Policy Board. Saddam Hussein must be very greatly pleased that political machinations in Washington have tangled and distracted one of the dictator’s deadliest enemies. The good news is that the accusations against Perle are so nebulous that a single puff of reality will dissipate them; the even better news is that Perle will remain as a member of the advisory panel, where he will continue to serve the nation to whose defense he has contributed so faithfully and unselfishly for so many years. [David Frum’s Diary]

To the tune of, "Oh Lord, It’s Hard to Be Humble"

Oh Lord, it’s hard to be Richard,
He’s so perfect in e-ver-y way
He carefully selects his clients,
For his false pearls of wisdom they pay
He patiently bills them in millions,
He cashes them in with a sigh
Oh Lord, it’s hard to be Richard
But Rumsfeld should tell him goodbye!

Oh Lord, we’d really miss Richard
It would bring all the Frummers to tears
He could go to his chateau in Provence,
While stateside we’d break out in cheers
He could drag his own string of Perles with him
Have lunch with those Sauds in Marseilles
Oh Lord, we’d really miss Richard
If only he’d please go away

Oh Lord it’s hard to be Richard
Though it’s harder to really tell why
Trough-dwellers will always sell access
Funny, not one bats an eye
He’s so full of such fresh new ideas
I’m sure they’re not from the Mossad
And he carries them all to the White House
Where Bush thinks they’re a message from God.

Oh Lord, it’s so hard to be Richard
So devoted to dough and cuisine,
The New York Times asked some tough questions,
So he pouted and said they were mean!
He won’t use his position to lobby
Dick Nixon said "That would be wrong!"
Oh Lord, we’ll really miss Richard
When he finally tells us "so long!"

Christopher Manion [send him mail] writes from the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia. A founding member of the Capitol Steps political satire group, he has written and performed songs at testimonials for Dan Quayle, Al Haig, Jesse Helms, Warren Rudman, Lawton Chiles, Vernon Walters, William F. Buckley, Jr., and Paul Weyrich. Teddy Kennedy, Hillary Clinton, Joycelyn Elders, and Manuel Noreiga have unfortunately been unable to hear their songs performed in person.

Al Gore called him “A Heck of a Guitar Player”; the New Republic called him “An Outside Agitator”; Roll Call said he was “the Woody Guthrie of the Right”; and Senator David Pryor (D-Arkansas) called him “A Modern-Day Snake Oil Salesman.”

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