Clinton Spotting

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Joseph
Sobran recently put to us the question of the incredible, shrinking
ex-president
and his vanishingly small figure on the political
landscape.

As
Scottish Correspondent to LRC, I can exclusively reveal to our readers
that Mr. Clinton was spotted only last week in Bonnie Scotland.
And, rather than being miniscule to the sight, he was clearly visible
to the naked eye as he embarked on a grand tour of Great Britain
on a series of speaking engagements across this sceptred isle.

Now,
sightings of Bill Clinton in Scotland are as rare as sightings of
the Loch Ness Monster and are to be seized upon zealously when they
happen. Moreover, if any of our readers are confused over how to
distinguish the two creatures, a test is readily at hand. If it
does not ask for a fee when putting in a fleeting appearance, then
it is assuredly Scotland’s famous denizen of the deep.

But
we must move swiftly on as Mr. Clinton’s entourage heads off for
their first venue which is a bracing round of golf at Turnberry
on the west coast of Scotland which is no doubt followed by a further
round or two in the clubhouse bar. Whether Mr. Clinton improved
upon his golf handicap of twelve strokes, we are not told. But,
thus lubricated, the former president duly heads north to Glasgow
for his first speaking engagement.

At
this point, seasoned observers may have noted that Mr. Clinton entered
the Glasgow Hilton Hotel still wearing his golfing
clothes
and may be wondering whether he was paying more attention
to the drams than the clock in the clubhouse. But, let concerned
Clintonites be comforted by my observation that there was more of
the swagger than the stagger about his gait as he crossed the nation's
TV screens.

But
we must make haste. Mr Clinton assumes the lectern for his first
oration which is on the Middle East problem and is delivered to
the patrons of the Jewish National Fund who pay a ransom for the
privilege of listening to a man who failed to solve said problem.
Meanwhile, a notable crowd of Palestinian sympathisers has gathered
outside not to praise Caesar but to vilify him for addressing such
an organisation.

May
I venture a word on Mr. Clinton’s behalf? Who cares, they’re paying
the going rate! Nevertheless, nostalgia wells up in an evocative
manner for our ex-president as the crowd predictably burns an effigy
of him. Memories of trying to bomb Bin Laden in Sudan spring to
mind as the speech draws to an end and Mr. Clinton’s bank account
swells just that little bit more.

All
in a day’s work, but we must press on. Onto London and Mr. Clinton
bids a fond farewell to Scotland as I follow him with journalistic
zeal from the comfort of my Internet connection.

It
may interest our regular readers to know that in Mr. Clinton’s busy
schedule he finds time to be the chairman of the advisory board
of the International Aids Trust; and, in that capacity, he now delivers
the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Lecture on Aids, to another
fleeced audience. A vital topic, you will agree, and Mr. Clinton
is a man who seems to know a bit about the meaning of the term u201Csexual
relationsu201D.

But
I hesitate, our man is off again! Giddyup, modem!

Your
correspondent is pleased to announce that as a final encore, Mr.
Clinton delivered a speech to the prestigious Richard Dimbledy Lecture
on the fourteenth day of December. But I must confess that I was
unable to attend this event because I made absolutely no effort
to do so. But, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, our own
BBC televised the oration a few days later.

Clinton
observers would have again noted that instead of the old introduction
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States of
America", Mr. Clinton was presented thusly: "Ladies and
Gentlemen, the 42nd President of the Unite States of America".
It is to be noted that those four little characters "42nd"
makes a lot of difference.

Moreover,
slight concern was raised when Mr. Clinton began to address his
audience with a croaky voice. Can we speculate that Mr. Clinton
is being overzealous in his speaking engagements? Not very likely.
Or can we surmise that a combination of a stiff Atlantic breeze
and a series of stiffer drinks at Turnberry got the better of our
man? Quite possibly.

Undaunted,
and showing a deft diversity of subject matter, Mr. Clinton launches
into his subject of "The Struggle For The Soul of The 21st
Century" which covers such subjects as international terrorism
and technological change. After a few minutes, your correspondent’s
face muscles began to contort and I had an overwhelming desire to
draw deep breaths; but having concluded the yawn, I decided to give
the rest of Mr. Clinton’s speech a miss and move onto other things.

Interested
readers may access his speech at this uniform resource
locator
.

And
so Mr. Clinton bids sayonara to Great Britain as he heads off to
his next round of pressing engagements. Will we ever see him in
Britain again? Only if you are willing to pay the fees. Will we
ever see him on the first tee of Scotland’s major golf courses again?
Undoubtedly.

As
a final observation, readers may be wondering what Mr. Clinton earned
from his week in Britain. One can only speculate but it is noted
that former Prime Minster, Margaret Thatcher, earns up to $75,000
on the lecture circuit in the USA. As a more prestigious personality,
one can easily assume that Mr. Clinton took home upwards of $300,000
this week past but we may never know.

And,
so, as the Yuletide season beckons, may your Scottish correspondent
take this opportunity to wish all the patrons of Lew Rockwell’s
website a very Merry Christmas.

December
21 ,
2001

Roland
Watson [send him
mail
] writes from Edinburgh, Scotland.

©
2001 LewRockwell.com

Roland
Watson Archives

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