Advice to Politicians (Stick to skinny shiksas)

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In a fascinating piece of analytical gossip, New York Post Page Six reporter Rod Dreher points out the "eerie similarities" between the Monica Lewinsky and Chandra Levy scandals.

Aside from the sexual intrigue with powerful Democratic politicians, Dreher’s July 5th column catalogued other amazing parallels:

  • Both women were bosomy Jewish-American Princesses from California.
  • Both have physician fathers whose specialty is oncology.
  • Both were "interns" rubbing elbows with the rich and powerful.
  • Even the D.C. lawyers we now see crawling out from under their rocks are the same ones we observed in l’Affair Lewinsky.

Sherman H. Skolnick, longtime controversial, investigative muckraker, in his July 8 Skolnick’s Reports, goes even further, adding a sinister twist to the mystery.

Skolnick is convinced that Monica was "a creature of renegade units of Israeli intelligence, the Mossad." He goes on to suggest that Chandra Ann Levy may have been similarly involved, that is, that she was also "a creature of renegade units of the Mossad, but not authorized as such by the state of Israel government."

He continues: "Like Monica, the reputed purpose of Chandra was to infiltrate. To use her womanly wiles to find out things."

One of Monica’s missions, according to Skolnick, after she was tossed out of the White House by Hillary and mysteriously assigned to a high position at the Pentagon, was to mingle with important US military leaders and report back to a faction at Mossad headquarters their degree of loyalty to Clinton, a vital matter during and following the impeachment crisis.

Chandra, according to Skolnick, was in a perfect position to glean information from Congressman Condit regarding super-secret data on Tim McVeigh. Skolnick tells us that Condit, as a senior member of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, was privy to all the actual, complete details of the Oklahoma City bombing.

If one buys the Skolnick thesis, Chandra Levy may not have been a suicide or murder victim, but was spirited away to Israel.

In spite of some good judicial investigation he performed years ago in Illinois, Skolnick is regarded by many as "on the fringe." Frankly, I find his views of Mossad involvement with the interns a bit wacky. But the mere notion of Chandra as an Israeli agent is so enticing that I would give $100 of Lew Rockwell’s money to have been there at her debriefing.

It probably went something like this:

Mossad Agent: Before we start, please tell me what kind of a name is Chandra? Nice Jewish American girls have names like Tracy, Kimberly, or Tiffany. What’s with Chandra?

Chandra: For a time my father had a practice near Watts, but I don’t hear you complaining about the name Monica.

Mossad Agent: Never mind. You did nice work with the Congressman, but you seemed indifferent, and aside from your accounts of the sex, your reports were boring us to tears.

Chandra: Well, who wouldn’t be bored? I was in Modesto while Miss Chubby is the queen of society in Manhattan. She goes to Le Cirque for dinner and I get Bob’s Big Boy in Stockton for a burger.

Mossad Agent: Would you please forget about Monica.

Chandra: Sure, the slut gets to hear the "Three Tenors": Pavarotti, Carreras, and Domingo in concert at Carnegie Hall, and I get to listen to the best recordings of Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, and Ferlin Husky at the American Legion Hall in downtown Modesto.

Mossad Agent: I’m getting fed up with this Monica business. Would you please..

Chandra: While the fat bitch was a judge at an elegant Women’s Wear Daily fashion show at the Plaza Hotel in New York City, I was on my knees measuring the performance of Stanislaus County’s best jumping frogs.

Chandra (now out of control): The slut jets in Air Force One to a Nato conference in Brussels, and I’m one of the Queen’s Maids sitting on the backseat of a 1976 Chevy convertible at the San Joaquin Valley Walnut Festival in 100-degree temperatures.

Mossad Agent: Enough already. Let’s get on to your next assignment. You will be serving coffee in the downtown Cairo Starbucks. It will be arranged to have Yasir Arafat as one of your customers. As you are pouring his double decaf latte, you will lean forward so he can see down your blouse.

Our intelligence advises that he will seize the moment and you’ll be whisked to the bridal suite at the Cairo Hilton in no time at all.

Chandra: Sure, and I suppose Miss Bloated America gets assigned to Hollywood to seduce Russell Crowe.

Burt Blumert [send him mail] is owner of Camino Coins, president of the Center for Libertarian Studies, and publisher of

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