Gorbachev Gathers Out-of-Work Pols for a New World Order

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by
Gene Callahan
and Stu Morgenstern

Boy
Scouts Create New Merit Badges in Response to Increasing Pressure
from Gays

This
week, after months of flak for their failure to allow gay scoutmasters,
The Boy Scouts of America announced a new line of merit badges.
For those interested in earning these badges, the Scouts have established
a "Gay-Men-Who’d-Like-to-Sleep-in-a-Tent-with-Your-Young-Lad
Scouts," which will operate as a "phalanx" of the
regular Scouts.

This phalanx will supervise the awarding of merit badges in such
diverse subjects as interior decorating, fashion design, accessorizing,
and Liza Minnelli studies. The new uniforms will be designed by
Tom Ford and will feature an off the shoulder look inspired by the
film Gladiator. Gone will be the traditional olive drab scout
uniforms. Instead, there will be a sparkling phantasmagoria of colors
and fabrics reminiscent of Elton John’s stage attire.

Good citizenship will continue to be taught by the new scouting
phalanx, although with an increased emphasis on tidiness and grooming.
A major thrust toward extended, remote camping trips is expected,
accompanied by individual, expert instruction in a bewildering variety
of knots.

Callahan
Sacrifices to Help Fight Inflation

Responding
to worries that too much growth in the US economy might ignite
inflation, Gene Callahan announced this week that he will help
fight that economic scourge by cutting back his work schedule
from five days a week to three. Said Callahan:

"Alan Greenspan is like a brother to me – a fact to
which Kevin Duffy can testify – and I want to do everything
I can to lend AG a hand."

Callahan mentioned that he was also inspired by his partner, Stu
Morgenstern (that’s writing partner, okay Mr. Jackson!), who is
a long-time inflation fighter and has been steadfastly battling
growth in the economy for the last several decades.

Callahan also indicated that he intended to start his three young
children on cigarettes soon, in order to restrain their growth
as well.

April
5,
2001

Gene
Callahan is working on a book, Economics for Real People,
and Stu Morgenstern is contributing editor at The
Frumious Bandersnatch
.

2001, Gene
Callahan
and
Stu Morgenstern

Gene
Callahan/Stu Morgenstern Archives

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