No Matter What the Verdict, Al is Unappealing

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I'm
sure that many of you remember the song from the early 1970's by
the group Steam called "Kiss Him Goodbye." It is memorable
because of its use of repetitive nonsense syllables in the chorus
and has been used frequently at sporting events as a sassy taunt
to the losing team.

Na
na na na, na na na na,
hey he-ey,
goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na,
hey he-ey,
goodbye

I had never really considered this song in terms of taunting the
losing candidate in an election, but what the heck. Something we
have all learned in the four-weeks-and-then-some since the election
on November 7 is that there is a first time for everything: a first
time for a presidential candidate to willfully try to subvert the
rule of law and stage a coup; a first time for a state supreme court
to countermand a secretary of state and change the rules of an election
in the middle of the game; a first time for the federal supreme
court to whack the members of that selfsame state supreme court
about the head and shoulders with their gavels and say menacingly
"You'd better reconsider that ruling, friends."

Another first has been a presidential candidate demanding recount
after recount, filing countless lawsuits, and then appealing every
single decision that has gone against him, which has turned out
to be just about all of them.

The more Al Gore appeals, the more unappealing he gets, even to
the jaded members of his own party. The list of Democrats who are
sneaking away from camp in the dead of night is growing larger and
larger. They realize, even if Al doesn't, that there is, perhaps,
a fine line between looking stalwart and determined and looking
like an utter idiot.

Al,
we've never loved you
the way that we love Bill
If we did we wouldn't run and hide
Yeah, we know he's Slick Willie
But you, you're just silly
So kiss it (we wanna see you kiss it)
Go on and kiss the presidency goodbye

Na
na na na, na na na na
hey he-ey,
goodbye

"He's
on his last legs now. We're at the end game," said Democratic
National Committee member Ted Kaufman, his metaphors in a gloomy
mix. "I worked for Gore, but Bush will be my president."

Earlier this week, Indiana senator Evan Bayhu2014who must be thanking
God in heaven that he wasn't the one chosen off Gore's short list
for running matesu2014joined fellow Hoosier politician Representative
Julia Carson in saying that Al's days were numbered. "The Florida
Supreme Court is going to rule, and if he's unsuccessful in that,
I think that's the end of it."

The Florida Democratic Party's vice president, Jon Ausman, was succinct.

"We're
cooked," he stated.

Na
na na na, na na na na
hey he-ey…

Gore himself continues to be delusionally cheerful, making an effort
to be seen leading a normal, chad-free life at coffee shops, restaurants
and movie theaters near his home. He and Tipper have been double-dating
a lot with Joe and Hadassah Lieberman, which just seems weird, somehow.
One gets the feeling that they're all going to join a Tuesday night
bowling league together, if this doesn't end soon.

"I
don't feel anything but optimistic," Gore told reporters early
last week. There was no word on whether he had developed a strange
facial tic yet.

With conflicting rulings handed down from the Martin County/Seminole
County cases and the Florida Supreme Court on Friday afternoon,
the election continues to stretch out before us all in what seems
like a never-ending road strewn with legal briefs, leftover pizza,
ballot boxes and lawyers, lawyers, lawyers. Al Gore undoubtedly
looks at this mess that his ego and his innate crookedness have
created and feels well pleased.

But underneath all of his pompous posturing and his boring press
statements and his various poses with ice cream cones, double mocha
lattes, footballs and movie ticket stubs there's a tiny refrain
being played over and over again.

Hey,
he-ey,
goodbye…

December
11, 2000

Shelley
McKinney is a political writer whose work regularly appears in several
Internet journals. She takes great pleasure in exposing the politically
correct for their lack of logical thought.

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