Waving the Baldwins Goodbye

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Alec Baldwin, the pompous Hollywood-leftist extraordinaire, made his millions playing bad parts in bad movies, and secured his fame by marrying actress Kim Basinger when she was at the zenith of her own movie career.

Conspicuously, there was a time when mainstream American males coveted Basinger’s bit of fluff, and Hollywood directors actually sought out her talents as an actress. Alec was just the residuum piece that came in the 2-for-1 sale.

In recent years, Alec has found his new niche at the helm of Left Coast polity. Playing up his role on issues such as campaign finance reform, animal rights, gun control, and homosexual rights, he has found his disciples among the Oprah Winfrey-Rosie O’Donnell Club of Clueless Women Who Shall Worship Blindly.

Alec has bragged that his days of activism began with his attendance of Bobby Kennedy’s funeral as a child. He later associated with such flops as Walter Mondale, Tom Hayden, Rob Lowe and The Teddy of Chappaquiddick. “I want to be the ferocious liberal”, said Alec, referring to the not-radical-enough leftism of the modern Democratic Party.

Ferocious indeed. For Mr. Baldwin later proceeded to tell us, on national television, that House Judiciary Committee Chairman Henry Hyde would be most appropriately dealt with via a stoning and maiming of him and his family.

Before the election, this limousine liberal’s wife flaunted his solid intentions of leaving our capitalist shores for a better life if George W. should become our next president. When asked if Alec would surely provide us with such pleasure, his wife remarked, “Alec is the biggest moralist that I know. He stands completely behind what he says.”

These words were followed with cheers heard ’round the country. Rich Republicans lined up their jets at LAX airport to carry Alec and his belongings away. Generous libertarians prepared to build Alec Baldwin his own town; one big enough to provide occupation for an entire brigade of Hollywood leftist activists. Even the illustrious news vet Paul Harvey chipped in with an “all right!” commentary. All were abuzz on the Right.

Well, I have two words for Mr. Baldwin: “President Bush”. I love the sound of those words, in spite of the fact that I hold no particular predilection toward George W. Bush. I just hold a particular animosity for The Other Man, the One Who Would Take Away Liberty. That guy who claims to have invented french-kissing, or something like that.

“President Bush”, Mr. Baldwin.

Despite the fact of the recent Florida Activist Court decision, I say these two words with confidence (and prayer). I say them because I want Alec to have time to put up his multi-million dollar home (or homes) for sale, in the hopes that some aspiring actor/actress can afford the purchase it (them). I say that because I don’t want to see Alec running for higher office and get elected. If that happened, then I’d have to leave the country for say, Canada, and I don’t want to do that because of national health care, the GST tax, bad hockey teams, and Prime Minister Jean Chretien.

“President Bush”, Mr. Baldwin.

I just want to be able to wave to Alec and Kim, to give them my best wishes for their chosen life. I won’t speculate where that may be, though it’s not important as long as they keep their promise. I want to see them go off to the place of their choosing, letting them know that I fully support their decision. I want to encourage them to take along some of their friends to combat the loneliness and destitution that they will undoubtedly suffer at the hands of some socialist regime somewhere in the world.

“President Bush”, Mr. Baldwin.

Now if Newt Gingrich can tear himself away from his lucious young wife long enough to run for dog catcher, we could get rid of Barbara Streisand too, as per her promise. Such are life’s dreams.

Karen De Coster is a politically incorrect CPA, and an MA student in economics at Walsh College in Michigan.

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