Asking God's Help for Algore

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I nearly doubled over. Tears came to my eyes. I threw back my head and howled. And my laughter rang out loud and long.

And what a delicious, wonderful burst of laughter it was! It came right up through me from the depth of my belly, as if molten lava out of the center of Vesuvius.

Thank you, National Public Radio! This is, of course, why I listen to you gasbags and your mush and propaganda pretending to be "news." And why I allow you to annoy me 99% of the time. These particular moments are priceless!

Thank you for the story of a black preacher "praying" this morning. The story was, of course, about getting out the black vote (though how you can call that "one of the top stories in the news" is beyond me).

Getting out the vote of most solid, decent American voters is not the object of the Democrats, one notes. However, getting the Whiners to the polls is not only the entire platform of Democrats, but also its absolute focus. I’m tired of having to discriminate amongst the Whiners (something these days I’m told not to do anyway), whether they be black, brown, guilty, feeble-brained whites , speak Spanish or Yiddish, or have tits (real or transgendered). So I’ve taken to lumping all the screeching voices into the one party they are: The Whiners. And they are ALL Democrats. (We’ll reserve the Department of "Defense" for another time.)

NPR played this splendid bit about a black reverend, and his prayer to his Heavenly Father to get behind Al Gore in the coming election. To steal from Barry, I am not making this up.

This slick black dude, supposedly ordained of the Lord, was asking Him to help Al Gore become President. I mean, can you imagine? Oh what a hoot, straight from Heaven!

I don’t know about you, but I think American politics have become so horribly embarrassing that if it were me, I would pray for God to ignore the entire situation! I sure wouldn’t ask Him to help out a scheming liar politician (any of u2018em).

But it struck me pretty funny this morning! I mean, they heard me down the street I laughed so hard. My neighbors, black and white, started laughing just from hearing me laugh, and they didn’t even know why they were laughing. You should have heard that smarmy sanctimonious voice actually daring to ask GOD to make Algore win.

"Of course, Heavenly Father, we’d like Al Gore to win" — so we can get more of other people’s tax money.

God is supposed to help Al Gore take power? AL GORE? That slimy clone of wormspit?

Right.

Pray on, Preacher. I hope God actually heard you.

Patricia Sharon Neill is managing editor of a scholarly journal on the life and work of William Blake, the 18th-century artist and poet.

© 2000 by Patricia Sharon Neill

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