"Like
Nails on a Chalkboard: Faulty Grammar in Metrobus Ad Makes District
School Officials Cringe." This is the title of an especially
delicious article that appeared in the Washington Post this
past January 4th.

The
in-your-face ad spanning the length of the buses reads "DC
Public Schools Wants You!!! Go To Class-It' a Blast!!!" Seventy-five
buses so emblazoned for one month cost the district $41,000. Superintendent
Paul L. Vance, we are told, when asked about the s missing after
the apostrophe was "infuriated by the error." (Just one?
I might inquire.) "It reinforces the perception that we're
less than competent." To this priceless quotation, I can't
resist adding my own funny papers punctuation–!?!

"u2018Oh
dear, oh dear,' said D.C. Council member Sharon Ambrose who serves
on the panel's education committee. u2018What an embarrassment….The
message is, unfortunately, probably going to be that someone in
the D.C. public schools doesn't know how to write.'"

Ho,
ho, hee, hee!!! Oh, Sharon, please stop, you're killing me!!!

Clearly,
this article is supposed to have us wringing our hands at the horrid
grammar of educators in our nation's capital. Many may go so far
as to call the incident a national embarrassment, but some how I
can't get worked up over it. I wouldn't call the missing s a grammatical
error at all but a typographical one. Having produced many articles,
brochures, flyers, newsletters and several ads of my own over the
years, I would feel sympathy rather than disgust at such an easy-to-make
mistake.

I
would feel sympathy, that is, if I were not worked up over the true
outrage in The Missing S Affair – tax dollars spent for propaganda
aimed at school children.

Since
the early days of American education, children have found school
boring, burdensome, and constraining, at best. At worst, school
has been the venue for stifling spirits, assaulting psyches, and
numbing minds. Their modus operandi has always been humiliation,
their facilities breeding grounds for bullies. Yes, from the beginning,
free market education notwithstanding. Read about the experiences
of Ben Franklin, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Thomas Edison. Recall the
proverbial schoolmaster with a whip in hand or the Catholic nun
with a ruler. No don't – think of your own experience. What is worse
is that today's torturer is an empath who recommends therapy and
Ritalin for your child's own good. The abuse has not been eradicated
but has migrated from the physical to the psychological.

We
would be most appreciative if someone would research for us how
many Washington D.C. schools have metal detectors, uniformed or
armed guards, lock downs, barred windows, chain link fences with
or without razor wire, drug-sniffing dogs, gangs, drug dealers,
bullies or any other accouterments of penitentiaries.

With
these ads, D.C. district officials are telling students who endure
the abuses of government schooling that their aversion to the classroom
is unfounded, made up, all in their heads. School is actually, well,
fun. "Forget about your daily experiences," they say.
"Deny reality. You are having u2018a blast.' The sign says so."

Are
these people really nutty enough to think that a handful of signs
will contribute to solving the truancy "crisis"? I will
have more to say shortly about this latest bugaboo, much more. But
for now, I'd like to remind the Education Establishment of an admonition
from Princess Leia: "The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin,
the more star systems will slip through your fingers."

In
the spirit of truth in advertising, let's demand the ads be corrected
to read "Go to Class, It' a Stinkin' Prison."

PS.
When discussing the Missing S Affair with a colleague, we found
that we had the same off the cuff reaction to the ad – that
it was written to be ebonically correct. I suspect that this was
a public relations problem of a different variety. Shall we call
Superintendent Vance and ax him?

January
26, 2000

Cathy
Cuthbert is a wife, mother and homeschool advocate living in California.
Look for more commentary on education at her new web project, deschooling.org,
coming in the next few weeks. She can be reached at deschoolcuthbert@aol.com.