Eye on the Elites

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According to US News, campaigning for the Senate in

New York has left first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton stressed

out. Frankly, it doesn’t do much for our digestive tract either.

The report also states that nonstop fund-raising has put Mrs.

Clinton in a "foul mood…she feels that New York contributors

are too demanding." Just give her the $100,000, people.

You get Hillary. It’s SO tacky to want anything more.

British researchers have discovered that "children confuse

the prime minister, God and religious leaders." According

to one Natasha, aged seven, for instance, Prime Minister Tony

Blair "has got grey long hair, curly with a grey beard,

a grey-like dressy thing and he does miracles." In this

country, only the media, Hollywood actors, academics and intellectuals

would believe such nonsense about President Clinton. Children

aren’t so foolish, save perhaps for an occasional White House

intern.

This week’s new health hazard is the underwired brassiere,

at least if you’re wearing one while seeking shelter under a

tree from a thunderstorm. Two women so attired were killed by

lightning in London’s Hyde Park. Obviously, ladies confronted

with threatening weather should either go inside or remove their

brassieres at once.

In Politics’ Wan World Of Predictable Suits and Speeches,

Why Pick On Al Gore?" asks Robin Givhan, Washington

Post staff writer. Why, indeed. Let his boughs continue

to shelter the saplings and small creatures of the forest without

all the bad jokes.

Thanks to the Wall Street Journal for passing along

this sample from a HUD document titled "Resident Rights

and Reponsibilities" written in what bureaucrats fondly

imagined to be "Creole" and paid for by yuh lawn-suffren

Merkin taxpayuh: "Yuh as a rezedent, ave di rights ahn

di rispansibilities to elp mek you HUD-asisted owzing ah behta

owme fi yuh ahn yuh fambily. Dis is a brochure distributed to

yuh cawze Hud ah provide some fawm ahf asistance aur subsidy

fi di whole apawtment buildin. As ah pawt ahfits dedication

fi maintain di bes pawsible living environment fi all rezedents,

yuh HUD field affice encourage ahn suppowts…" ahn lahk

dat, ahn mon, kenya beleef dees federal garbotch.

Happy 24th Anniversary to the Clintons. "Call me a romantic,"

says David Letterman, but I think it’s great that after 24 years,

they can still fake a relationship."

Bernard Lewinsky, Monica’s dad, is bummed about a TV character

using the phrase "getting a Lewinsky" to describe

oral sex. Why, he asks, don’t they call it "getting a Clinton"?

Bernie, it’s because a "Clinton" is what the rest

of us have been getting since 1993, and with you saying "good

job," too.

President Clinton went out for a remarkable round of golf

late Sunday afternoon. It was a sudden decision, giving neither

the media nor his Secret Service more than a few minutes warning.

He played in rain and kept on when it was pitch black, determined,

he said, to get in 18 holes. He ignored the rules, sprayed golf

balls all over the course, lied about his scores, kept everyone

in the dark and made a nuisance of himself. Come to think of

it, for Bill Clinton, that’s not remarkable at all.

Timothy J. Wheeler, long a prominent figure

in the conservative movement, writes from Indiana.

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