Pardon Me?

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“So long sad times
Go long bad times
We are rid of you at last

Howdy gay times
Cloudy gray times
You are now a thing of the past

Happy days are here again
The skies above are clear again
So let’s sing a song of cheer again
Happy days are here again

Altogether shout it now
There’s no one
Who can doubt it now
So let’s tell the world about it now
Happy days are here again”

~ Music and Lyrics by J. Yellen and M. Ager, 1929

V.B. day is coming soon folks. Start stocking up on the drinks and party favors. Because when that day comes, we’ll all raise our glasses and give a hearty toast. We will all shout for freedom. It will be America’s own version of the Velvet Revolution. And it’s coming very soon. I just can’t wait to see the swearing out ceremony on TV — or perhaps when you do get cussed out, George, the FCC won’t allow that kind of profanity on the air. Too bad. But rest assured, there will be millions of us Americans — and people all over the world — saying the proper invective towards your face whenever we see it from that day on. I know that I’m going to say it loud and clear. You are toast, Mr. Soon-to-be-Former President. In the words of George Herbert Walker Bush, “This thing is turning around. I can feel it.” Yes, pappy, I feel it. And I suspect there’s one heck of a lot of true American patriots who can feel it too.

George W. Bush you are going down. Your days are numbered. You lied. The entire world knows it — and you know it too. Your lies killed our brave soldiers. Your lies have orphaned untold numbers. Your lies have crippled tens of thousands of America’s best youth. Your lies have destroyed marriages, lives, and families. You are guilty of conspiracy. You are guilty of war crimes. You are guilty of High Crimes as specified in the Constitution of The United States of America. I figure that since you don’t read, I’d better show you the part of the US Constitution that is going to hang you and the rest of your criminal group:

US Constitution — Article Two — Section 4

The President, Vice President, and all civil officers of the United States shall be removed from office on impeachment for, and conviction of, treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanors.

Ticket of admission to the U.S. Senate galleries for the impeachment trial of President Andrew Johnson

George, you said once that you didn’t care about history because we’d all be dead by then. Well, my friend, you’re not going to be — even though I hope there will come many days when you’ll wish you were. Even though you are going to make history, it’s not going to be the way you hoped for. But, unless you are a total and complete fool, I reckon that the way you make history is going to be the way you fear; the way that keeps you up at night wondering; your worst nightmare come true. Well, wonder no longer, friend. It’s slowly coming true right before your eyes. It hasn’t happened just yet, but you are history, my friend.

I figure you got a good chance at being remembered as number three or maybe even number two. Not bad. If you do wind up number three, then you are even more benighted than anyone could have imagined. Only an idiot would stand and face impeachment trials when they are caught lying red-handed. Bill Clinton, anyone?

So I figure you ought to go for being remembered as number two. That’s right, number two. And judging from the way you have done things all your life, I figure that’s what you are going to do. You are going to take the easy way out. You are going to lie, say you did nothing wrong, and then resign. Just like that. Just like Tricky Dick Nixon. Nixon was at least smart enough — and sneaky enough — to resign. He had the brains to read the writing on the wall. Do you? Are you smart enough to have your name handsomely displayed in the history books as only the second US president in history to resign in disgrace?

Either way, consider yourself lucky, even though you are going down, Americans are still civilized enough to not give you the Nicolae Ceausescu treatment — even though I’m sure there are very many who would like to — metaphorically speaking, of course.

So when the crowds become a rush, and the noise is too much to handle, and suddenly you find that people are bumping into you, just make sure you remember to use these two very polite words: “Pardon me.”

Mike (in Tokyo) Rogers [send him mail] was born and raised in the USA and moved to Japan in 1984. He has the distinction of being fired from every FM radio station in Tokyo — one of them three times. His first book, Schizophrenic in Japan, is now on sale.

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